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Somewhere in the echo

2013-02-09

Good morning!

Posted by thedeadwholives in Be temos

So I’m sitting and starring at the clock. It says it’s 4:10 am (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYzfRfN7RFo and I’m also listening to this. Very dramatic, isn’t it?) right now. Why am I not sleeping? I don’t know exactly. Maybe there’s too many things on my mind. Beginning with what should I eat for tomorrow breakfast and ending with what am I going to do with my life? It was long day today. Long and exhausting. And desperate. I don’t really know wheather things are getting better to me. Or getting worse. Or I am just already used to it. I don’t know. Just..today I got this moment when I felt like I’m finally getting better. For one second. Either way, it’s a step forward. One step back - there was this one person. A friend. At least I thought he was my friend. Little talks, secrets and personal things. You don’t tell this to every stranger, do you? Apparently, he does. It’s a logical conclusion. If I’m a stranger and he did tell me those things, this means…he does the same with every person. Or…there’s just something wrong with my mind? I don’t know. Maybe I just need some sleep. Yes. I guess. I shouldn’t even care about it. But since I decided to love simple things in life, I loved small talks with him. I really did. I don’t have much good left for me. I take what I get. And I don’t get much. And those talks with this man was one of the last things that used to make my day better. And now… It’s gone. You may think I’m a drama queen, I know you can. And you have a full right to have your own oppinion. But I suppose I am not this kind of personality. I am emotional. And I don’t know how to expose my emotions the way they are. I confuse words. I don’t finish my thoughts or sentences. I jump from one thing to another and then come back to the first. I am a mess. And my thoughts and feelings are a mess too. Tonight I wanted to get drunk. Really drunk. And do something stupid. I wanted to go out and shout my lungs out. Scream. And cry. Jump. Run. Do whatever that would make me forget. One small person can’t contain all these feelings. Or he may explode one day and you better don’t be around when I do.

I feel very tired. And it seems that no amount of sleep can fix this. I don’t know wheather you got what I wanted to say, or not. Either way… Bed is waiting. No one else. Nobody else. Never.
It’s 4AM.
And I’m alone.

TheDeadWhoLives

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komentarai (2) to ' Good morning! '

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  1.    85 dead people in the corner playing cards said,

    on Vasaris 10th, 2013 at 21:46

    Ah, isn’t that just adorable as I was just about to text you and ask you how you were for i was feeling rather guilty but well, I won’t. Now, I won’t do anything hence you see no flaw in what you have done. I felt really bad and insulted, I really did, you know why. I wasn’t even certain if it was ok I had spoken about the said things with you before that day and your marvelous observations i had received later. But now I feel neither bad nor okay, actually I feel nothing. It’s good that you’ll be reading this (if ever you will be) much later when we’ll have forgotten each other completely, cause I just feel like it would be a good time to address you directly at this point. I am used to getting rejected anyway, with all the damn guilt put on me as if I were a senseless monster, that’s just fine, at least I feel that I should become one some day, it would be way easier to cope with life. That’s fine, anyway. Good luck with your life.

  2.    85 dead people in the corner playing cards said,

    on Vasaris 10th, 2013 at 21:57

    Oh, and yes, that “he tells it to everyone” was a big slap on the face, well done, well done indeed.

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