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Somewhere in the echo

2012-12-05

Just a little crime…

Posted by thedeadwholives in And there's this guy.

“Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It’s the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you

It’s the wrong time
For somebody new
It’s a small crime
And I got no excuse”

As far as I remember, the moment when all I need is serenity and silence there’s always something that happens and messes up everything I try to put in their places so hard. As I mentioned before, I had a phonetics test today. And the night before I was trying to study. But my head was just so empty. And then this thing happened. Him. I was reading the slides and summarizing the information when in the corner of my desktop a small tab appeared. Skype announced that one person is online now. I looked at the nickname and stopped for a second. This guy. I remember when I was 15 years old and I fell for him. It used to be just a virtual friendship. But back then I was a little confused girl who was going through all the bullying and the fact that such guy, who was quite older than me, so freaking attractive and was showing me attention and calling me beautiful, made me think of him. A lot. I drew him, I wrote a diary for all the tiny chats and things we’ve talked. But then he got in a relationship and I did the “back off”. We hadn’t been talking for 4 years. Now I’m 19 and he’s 24. So getting back to yesterday, when I saw his nickname, I clicked it and opened chat. I didn’t know what I should write. Whether I should write at all. But I just asked if he still remembers me. I told all these things I kept inside, all memories, all that I remember about him and he remember me. He even managed to find a photo of me in his laptop. We’ve talked. Step by step my phonetics book was thrown in my bag and the slides were forgotten too. My roommates went to sleep, but I was still on skype. We have talked until the 4 a.m. He said he has a girl that is not his girlfriend but is more than a friend. It’s like… in the past they were in the relationship, but now it’s complicated. He said that tonight our chat was a milion times warmer and cuter than his and his girl. We’ve exchanged pictures. He complimented me a lot, I complimented him, but… Still. He felt a little guilty. And I felt it too. It’s just a small crime and we’ve got no excuse… He promised me to find time and text me today, but… it’s 9 p.m. and he didn’t even answer my text.

And now this guilty and this longing for him is driving me crazy. I just remember the old times. How it was so easy to talk with him about anything. And yesterday. I mean, it’s been 4 years since we talked and it just went so easily. His girl must be so stupid to let him go. I don’t know. I just can’t. I read the chat again. And then do it once again. I feel like a freaking teenager again. Oh damn… Let it end. Now. My head is going to explode… Maybe it’s just a sudden urge or desire. I don’t know yet. I just want to finally meet him. To sit there side by side and talk lively about all kinds of stuff. Just like that. Is it too much to ask?

The Dead Who Lives.

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  1.    CBET said,

    on Sausis 29th, 2013 at 19:00

    Phonetics is way more interesting than that :D

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